Some time ago we were drinking and (surprise eh) it occurred to us that, It’s all well and good, but does the world need them? You know, them!
WINE WANKERS, CORK DORKS,TOSSERS and PONCES...
But then we asked ourselves the question, you know, really pushed our brains to the brink, made those rusty cogs move and had a good long hard think about who they are.
Who is the cork dork, the wine wanker, the tosser or ponce, what do they look like, and where do they congregate or hang out?
Are we, or you, one of them we asked? We looked at bosses and colleagues, cell mates and school mates, cobbers, friends and foes, lovers and fighters, crazy rellies and even those nutty neighbors across the street. And then it hit us like a bean and rice burrito with extra jalapeño's on an empty stomach, we, yep, we all sunshine, are the biggest dorks, wankers, tosser's and ponce's that ever critiqued anything.
Wait, what, you ask? Not us you say with indignation! Look, stay with us here an follow along as we will eventually get to the point. You see, its not just about wine. No really, its about all kinds of stuff people are into, because what they do, and we do, but think we don't, are exactly the same things, just packaged differently.
The process of identifying and describing the colors, smells and feel of food, drink and a lot of stuff, is what tasting is all about, and is something we all do often.
Think of your last visit to the hair salon ladies (and some fellas). There you are with your Starbuck's soy no whip extra hot latte with an extra shot in hand, head still buzzing from the crazy scalp massage the assistant just gave you, headline scanning though the latest entertainment trash magazine and talking with your hairdresser about what shades of blonde you should be. Did anyone cry 'ponce' at you when you said "more honey than blonde, with a few muted red tones, but not too bright.” Did you even think to check yourself up when you heard what you said? Yeah, nah, we thought not! Hair wanker!
Look even the most ocker beer swilling blokes out there are into it as well. Some of the biggest arguments between friends and family are over religion, footy and what makes good beer.
Blokes think they're just being, well 'blokey' when they argue that Fosters beer tastes just like a bunch of chemicals, or that West End and West End Export are the same and that Stella beer is for little girls because its too light, and 'cause that’s what it is anyway'.
It's got a sheila’s name after all and you wouldn't go drink a can of something called Debbie would you? Did anyone scream tosser? Thought not Nancy....
Coffee is another example where it's cool to be all knowing and such so you can get a 'proper' one. If it's your thing, you do it! You know who you are with the grande extra Latte double steam extra foam extra hot soy but not too soy or hot or something. Bloody ponce!
But look, at the end of the day it's all about personal taste. And those arguments are essentially battling out the same points of contention, personal preference and opinion. Some wine experts in the world have been known to say "great complexity, lifted fruits, nicely balanced and very full on the mid-palate, finishing with a frisky acid kick". This is just the same as he who cries "Top drop eh? Bloody knock your socks off with all that flavor. Dunno about the funny aftertaste, but." What do ya reckon mate?
Passionate people are everywhere; they're into everything, not just wine. And language and venacular that's specific to a hobby always excludes those who don't know. It's what you know and what you're into. The terminology or vernacular used within any hobby or passion are always a little foreign to the newbie.
Hey we’re not defending anyone here, a goose is a goose no matter what they're into, and wine wankers do exist, but we reckon you chuck that person into any hobby and they'd turn out the same. That's not wine's fault.
Let’s not spit the dummy and tarnish this exciting path of discovery and adventure that wine can take us on, just cause they're a few drongo's who don't know when to shut their pie hole.
Join us in finding good wines, places to eat and stay and just enjoy these things for what they are. No pretentious b*~>^%-t. We will try to tell of our Adventures in regular speak and not get all caught up in technicality and expertise. Just a couple of simple blokes telling stories of what we experience along the way.
So go ahead and get stuck into it and just pull the cork or twist off the cap and enjoy a glass or three of what we call a bloody good drop! Cheers!
Happy
Tasting Adventures,
